MCFIE talks about sex, marriage and homosexuals

Dr. James Boyd McFie, MBS, has served as Independent Non-Executive Chairman of the Board of Sasini Limited since August 30, 2007. He is also Chairman of the Remuneration and Nominations Committee of the Company.

He is Director of the Standard Media Group Limited. He also serves as Honorary Treasurer on the Board of Directors of AfriAfya, the African Network for Health Knowledge Management and Communication. He has been Training Manager in Ernst and Young and Member of Education and Training Committee of ICPAK.He is also the director at the school of accountancy Strathmore University

It was so interesting to see this other side of Mcfie! He was not  stone faced or angry and he answered all my questions with either a smile or a look of concern.

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Let’s see what he has to say about relationships, marriage, sex and homosexualiy!

Pendotalk: Tell us about your first love…

Mcfie: Her name was Judy O’shea. I remember she lived in Kileleshwa. I was 14 years old at the time. Then I met this other lady called Linda…

Pendotalk: You often warn your female students not to believe the lies that young men say to get them into bed. Did you ever try such tricks when you were younger? What advice can you give to the young men who conduct such behaviour?

Mcfie: No, never. I once liked a lady who I used to do waterpolo training with for Kenya championships. However, I never tried to sleep with her. I hope the lady didn’t think I was useless because I didn’t have sex with her. I know the consequences of such behavior and I was not willing to go through them.

To such men I say, “YOU DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN UNLESS SHE IS YOUR WIFE!”

There are TOO MANY SINGLE MOTHERS IN KENYA! Others have abortions which haunt them forever. Some women have an average of 5 to 6 abortions. This is the reality!

Pendotalk: Do you think people should start dating while in university or should they wait until later when they are financially stable?

Mcfie: The question here is “What is dating?” Dating goes so far and should not go further. It should not include sex. Think about it like this, the primary purpose of eating is not pleasure, it is to stay alive. In the same way, the primary purpose of sex is NOT pleasure.

So if by dating you mean sleeping together, then you should not date, even when financially stable.

I know a man who left his wife after they had had 7 children for a younger woman. Sex was his priority! We are creature of habit. Every woman becomes attractive after the first one.

If you want to date, go out and dance! Share a meal in a restaurant! Watch a movie! That’s OK!

Pendotalk: What is your relationship status?

Mcfie: I am single.

I joined Opus dei when I was 17years years old as a numerary. Numeraries are celibate members. It was my vocation. I had no intention of getting married.

Pendotalk:Do you believe in love and marriage? What do you think is the purpose of marriage?

Mcfie: Marriage is a beautiful thing! There is a young man who washed his wife’s feet at their wedding like Jesus did at the last Supper. His wife was the center of his life. That is how marriage should be: Love. Commitment. Faithfulness.

happy-wife

Pendotalk: Are you one of those people who can be described as being married to your work?

Mcfie: People just have to remember that marriage creates a commitment. A married man must make time for his wife and his children. He should not work until midnight, for example.

I work hard with the aim of doing good for Kenya and I enjoy what I do.

Pendotalk: You often get enraged by sub-standard behavior. Do you think that if you had a wife she would help to keep you grounded so that you are less angry?

Mcfie: I do not want Kenya to become like Haiti where there is terrible leadership! I get enraged because it sad to see Kenya heading down that road! However, I only complain when there is a reason to and I do not go home with a scowl on my face.

Pendotalk: You speak very strongly against homosexuality. Why?

Mcfie: Homosexuality is not natural! That is why two men cannot have a child. People like Gordon Brown want to impose their morals on countries like Uganda yet they would not let Uganda impose their morals on them.

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Pendotalk: What would you do if a good student or colleague of yours told you they were gay?

Mcfie: I would say “pole”

Pendotalk: You are known for accusing Kenyan men for being lazy and useless. Is this truly what you believe? If so, why?

Mcfie: These are the things the traditional Kenyan man expects from a woman:

  • Fetch water
  • Cook Food
  • Get firewood
  • Clean
  • Educate the children
  • Have sex at any time

This is what he does in return for this woman:

  • Take care of the home

THE WOMAN DOES ALL THE WORK!

The modern Kenyan man is barely any different! Traditions take years to break down. Now there are even men living off their wife’s earnings. There are too many irresponsible husbands!

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Pendotalk: Do you think Kenyan men make good husbands?

Mcfie: Some are good husbands. Many are not. Kenyan men tend to expect too much submissiveness from their wives. Other than that Kenya has become a man eat man society. One looks at somebody thinking, “What can I get out of you?” & this is the mentality Kenyan men have as they are approaching women.

Pendotalk: What do you think makes a good husband?

Mcfie: A good man; a gentleman. He should be faithful and should be in the marriage for more than a joy ride. He should not think of his wife as a status symbol.

Pendotalk: You usually caution men about high maintenance women and you say that women who keep weaves are often high maintenance. What would you advise the men who pursue such women?

Mcfie: If you marry a woman whose one idea in life is status, she can easily leave you for a better option. Some even say you should not marry a woman who is too beautiful.(What is beauty? See what we have to say about the natural beauty of a black woman here.

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Pendotalk: Which qualities do you believe would make a woman a good wife?

Mcfie: An understanding woman with the ability to forgive. She should have a big heart and be ready to overlook defects.

Pendotalk: Consider this scenario: An intelligent and hardworking man wants to leave his managerial job at a top company to start his own small business. His wife is not up for the idea. They have argued about it and she is threatening to leave him. What would you advise him?

Mcfie: He should not leave the job to start a business. He can start it as he continues to work. There is a high chance the business might fail.   He should explain to his wife his intentions but ensure that he can support the family.

The wife is looking out for the best interests of the family and she would be justified to leave him if he chose to put their stability at risk.

Pendotalk: What advice would you give to the young men and women seeking love out there?

Mcfie: People copy what they see in the movies and from other people hence the rise of promiscuous behavior. Stop!

Children should grow up in a family so just have children after marriage.

37 Comments
  1. I think what stands out for me is about the woman having a forgiving heart. But it should be both ways. People in relationships have great expeations of each other which are not always met. It’s crucial that couples forgiveve each other at such times

    1. Thank you Jackie! There are many more great interviews to come! The next one will actually be with Caesar Mwangi and his wife Anne. Trust me it will be a good one! Make sure you subscribe to the website to read it once it is out!:-)

  2. McFie is a great man! Focus on the principles. Knowing consequences before hand. As far as there are some issues I won’t agree with him, he stands out as great pillar of humanity. It’s kind to hear him talk of beauty of marriage even though he doesn’t have first hand experience. The idea of children in marriage is the ideal conception.

    1. This a definitely a man who stands his ground no matter what. He may not be married but he gives advice from the years of observation and having met MANY different married couples from all over the world. & yes we agree, Mcfie is a great man!

  3. Dr. Mcfie is an inspiration to many.Whenever i get a chance to listen to him talk i have no doubt that i will get out of that place with something new. Kudos

    1. Thank you Lucy! He definitely has insight on several topics. He is well read and experienced and has traveled round the world. You are indeed wise to always take any chance you may have to learn something new from him

  4. McFie is a principled free thinker thats why hes always right. I agree with him and add that people should prioritise their decisions before everything. Works for me, people think am a prophet.
    Great interview with a great man.

  5. This talk is what the current society should look into to end the crisis and divorce in marriages.
    I really liked the piece of information. waiting to hear more of this.

  6. I love this interview pendo talk, very very interesting read with a lot of sense. Thank you for this. i love how he says:
    Children should grow up in a family so just have children after marriage.

  7. I hope he should start a television show based on moral fabric of the Kenyan society. Never the less lets take this opportunity to appreciate him for his pursuit of a moral and just society which he holds onto so dearly. Kudos

  8. I’m single, but I think what McFie mentioned, STATUS, is one of thr major reasons men get married to partocilar women. The same to women. The moment we change this perception and realize that “happiness is a result of the daring choices and decisions we make”, being happily married won’t be a problem in this generation, becausr we’ll go for people “we can’t live without” rather the ones we “think ee can live with”, Dr. J. Dobson – Life on The Edge

    1. The issue of marrying for status is a huge issue in today’s society.That is part of the reason why this website was created: to inspire GOOD and MEANINGFUL relationships! We like how you say that you should marry someone who you cannot live without rather than someone you think you can live with.
      Thank you John Kevin

      1. I’m glad for your appreciation. I was raised to believe in the sacred nature of marriage and that “messing up a woman equals messing a generation”. Sadly most of the women we try to protect “love to be messed”. Of the more than 20 ladies I’ve dated, something is common about at least 18 of them, except one; they consider “a serious relationship” to be “sleeping with each other”. Say NO and mean it and the woman is gone. If women think all that we men fancy in them is sex, I would ask them this question. “So many women work as sex commercial workers in streets and social places. Why don’t men go for their hands in marriage yet they’re a number of and I guess all of them are very, charming, romantic and sexy? Why are they used and dumped the very day?” Hope you tackle this topic in future so that those of us who want serious relationships realize that SEX is not the norm in developing relationships and should remain sacred; for the married

        1. It is sad to see that in many cases it is the women who hit the road when sex is not on the table. If they consider sex to be the most important thing in a relationship then there is no hope for them. So thank goodness they got away and you were freed from what could have ended up to be a marriage with sex as its foundation!!! What would have happened when the sex got boring? Hmmm…You can now look for a REAL WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE who VALUES herself and HER BODY more than anyone else. I am not saying sex is bad I am just saying that there is A LOT MORE a woman can offer and sex is a secondary want especially before a proper commitment is made.

  9. This guy is like a pedestrian who doesn’t know how to drive telling folks how to drive. I am 100 sure I’d he had a wife and kids, this conversation would be somewhat different

  10. Very good read!!……i agree with mcfie 100% on this ->….”an understanding woman with the ability to forgive, she should have a big heart and be ready to overlook defects” this is wat almost all men look for in a woman and wat matters most too, beauty nd all other things are jus additional extras.
    nice 🙂

  11. My husband pointed me to your website. It’s so refreshing to read such positive things about self image, healthy relationships (that work), love and marriage. We all know the dysfunction that’s peddled on our media. Your blog is testimony to the there that there are people out there who still believe in true love.

    -Mumbi

    1. Hi Mumbi! Thank you for your comment. yes TRUE LOVE EXISTS! Let no1 tell you different! Your relationship is what you make it, & there are many who have made it work. All the best Mumbi!

  12. Jim tells us the truth about marriage and relationships. We have to love,be committed and be faithful to each other. When we do these things we have healthy relationships in marriage and we stick together as God planned it to be.

  13. Jim tells us the truth about marriage and relationships. We have to love,be committed and be faithful to each other. When we do these things we have healthy relationships in marriage and we stick together as God intended it tobe.

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