Stop searching for ‘The One’

Romaticism is a concept created by artists, musicians and poets that has made us have unrealistic expectations about relationships and marriage. It is making people choose the wrong life partners by following the concept of ‘the one’.

The idea of finding ‘the one’ is problematic in relationships.’The One” is so fantastic that they have made you stop swiping. They have captivated all your attention. Since they are making you no longer look for any other man or woman, then they must be phenomenal. “The one” will meet all your needs. They will be your best friend, passionate lover, intellectual equal, co-parent, will never make you feel alone again, will always make you feel beautiful, smart, appreciated…will give you security, stability & will experience adventure with you.

These are needs that are usually met by an entire community. NOBODY, no matter how great, can meet all these needs. These high expectations are a set up for frustration and disappointment.

Choosing a partner should be based on practical considerations. There is a big difference between the two.  You should think about the person you can see yourself building a life and writing a story with. That story will have a lot of hiccups but something about the shared values, interests, attraction…will help you write your story together.

When you’re writing a story you edit, you change, you see things that don’t fit. It is never a perfect story. ALL couples have issues, the only question is which issues are you willing to deal with. Once you know this, choosing your partner should be simple.

  1. Dear Pendo,

    Last time I checked the meaning of the word “How” it meant (1) in what way or manner; by what means or (2) used to ask about the condition or quality of something. Going through this piece I did not see where you tackled the “How” to choose the right partner statement.

    You could borrow a leaf from this blogger, I find her pieces well thought out researched and written.

    Please maintain the standard of writing you started out with if not better.


    1. Hello Kieran,

      Thank you for your insight. I understand what you had expected from the title. The article is explaining that when one is looking for a partner, they should not have unrealistic expectations. This is how one could prevent looking for the wrong traits in a person. Will check the blog you have mentioned though. Thanks!

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