Guest Post: Why the “perfect” boyfriend might give you the wedding of your dreams and a never ending nightmare of a marriage

I recently had a discussion with some male friends of mine.We were talking about relationships and then one of my friends brought up a story of a female friend of his who has been married for the last 4 years. Let me tell you a little about her (true) story…
She got married to a young, good looking, high profile banker.The lady is beautiful and once worked as an air hostess with one of the leading airlines in Africa. She met her husband on a flight to the Middle east. He was struck by her beauty and asked her out on a lunch date. How could she say no to this sweet, romantic and handsome man?On subsequent dates as they got to know each other better, the man met the lady’s parents. He used his charm and wealth to get them to like him. He would shower her parents with gifts and help them out with many things. The parents liked him, a lot. Soon enough,her parents began to pressure her to marry him.
She was still undecided as she was interested in another guy who she had dated previously for a while. They were very fond of each other but this man was mostly busy at work and barely had time to take her out and he did not have wealth to shower her with gifts like her current boyfriend did. He had also met the family twice before and her parents did not like him.
After a few months, the banker proposed to her when they were on vacation on a nice sandy beach in Zanzibar. She said yes. So they got married in a glamorous, colourful wedding attended by celebrities. They then went on their honeymoon to Paris for two weeks.After the honeymoon was over, they moved to the mansion he had just bought.It was all perfect beyond her wildest dreams.
He managed to convince her to leave her air hostess job and start a business while she stays at home.He even covered the cost to start the business so she was convinced it was the right move for her.After a while, they started disagreeing on a few issues.She noted something was wrong but when she told her parents about it,they brushed it off and told her that marriages were tough and they both need to work things out. Months passed and they grew more distant. He got angrier each time they fought and started beating her. She wanted to do everything she could to make it work just like her mother wanted her to.
4 years later, their marriage is a wreck. She has endured misery beyond measure and they do not talk to each other.The husband has been beating her every time they have an argument over an issue. The house is littered with CCTV cameras and they both sleep in separate rooms. Her parents are still insisting that she has to make things work. She regrets being married to him, but feels that it is too late to do anything about it.
After my friend finished telling the story, we started debating how it ended up like that.We wondered why her parents were letting her stay in an abusive relationship and why she could not leave this man. One of the main things we agreed on was that superficial things like beauty,wealth,status…all these things can be a facade. True happiness comes from those who respect us and treat us right.
There are so many people out there regretting having  let go of the right person for them in search of what they thought could have been “better”. This lady had a good man who was working hard to achieve his goals and who loved and respected her. Greed, curiosity and impatience made her opt to marry someone else. When choosing your life partner, take your time. Think about what is really important to you and think long term. Do not make decisions based on anything superficial or materialistic like money or popularity. It does not matter what other people say about the person, it is you who will be with this person for the rest of your life.
If you feel like you are currently dating the right person for you, appreciate them, respect them, love them, be patient with them and  most importantly, never let them go.

This post was written by Alex Ndegwa after having a thought provoking discussion with his group of friends. Thank you for sharing your valuable advice Alex!

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