In most developed nations introductory forms do not include both ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs’ titles. It just shows ‘Ms’ because whether married or not, they just want to know if you are male or female. Furthermore, introductory forms will not ask for one’s relationship status (Married or Single). So why do some developing nations feel the need to emphasize one’s marital status, especially for women?
For many years, women have been brought up with the aim of aspiring to marriage. As a child I had an experience with a teacher who told me not to do something, threatening that “If you do that you will never find a husband!”…I was 12 years old. It is the same with parents, relatives and friends. Being a girl child in a developing nation is like some sort of initiation process in preparation for marriage. So by the age of 24, when they initiation process is deemed to be “over” and a lady is not married or is not in a relationship that is expected to lead to marriage, people assume she has a problem. The automatic response for this is “Oh, you’re single? Don’t worry I will introduce you to someone…” So ideally what they are saying is that you should be worried that you are single. It is wrong, it is shameful, and you need to find a way to rectify the situation.
So then come the drastic measures to “rectify the situation”. Tummy tucks, Butt enhancers, Skin bleaching…whatever it takes to attract this husband that they MUST have. Only to start complaining 2 years into the marriage that marriage was not what you expected. But how could it be? You changed who you really are, attracted a man (probably by being a fake ‘Miss perfect wife material’ throughout the dating phase, sometimes with your fake silicon behind), & then you got married because of societal pressure. How do you expect to be happy?!
The problem starts with upbringing. Parents still pressure their children, especially their daughters, into marriage. Marriage is a beautiful and sacred experience which someone should go into when they are in love, ready and fully committed. I believe being ready involves having tested the waters. There is something about dating 1 person at a time that is flawed (but that is a story for another day). & NO, when I talk about testing the waters I am not talking about having sex with everyone you meet. I am talking about getting to know as many people as possible from several different backgrounds including those who are the total opposite of what society deems “a good husband/wife”. I am talking about being open to loving these people you meet, genuine love, the kind that does not expect anything in return(including marriage). I am talking about the long list of suitors slowly and naturally short listing and leaving you with the one who you have absolutely no doubt you would want to spend the rest of your life with. & you know what? It might never get there. Not everyone gets to that point of certainty & that’s OK! You are not any less of a person because you are not married. You can still enjoy love.
Pendotalk has regular chats and receives several emails from married people and we always get surprised when some of them tell us that they have never been in love (remember they are married). So 5 years of marriage and 3 children later, they want to search for love elsewhere. It’s ridiculous!
KILL THE PRESSURE to get married. Let people do it when they are 100% sure they want to, if ever. That will make us much happier.
By the way, Pendotalk will have an event later this year. The kind of event that has NEVER been done by anyone else and YOU CANNOT STAND A CHANCE TO MISS IT! Subscribe to get all the information when details are up.