I am a university student who was in a relationship since my first year of university till my third year.It was my first love and i was very happy but my ex changed suddenly literally within months to someone I did not recognize anymore and he became very rude and disrespectful and in spite of it all I was willing to work on it as he always blamed me for everything but he broke up with me. Its been one year and I still don’t know how to let it all past me,every time somebody asks me out I am afraid the same thing is going to happen me and hence I say no to them all. How do I move past all the heartbreak and insecurity that maybe he was right that I am not sufficient?
First of all, university relationships are usually very unstable, and often break up. Especially toward the end of the course or soon after. This has nothing to do with the behaviour of the people involved, and is simply because we all change so much during our college years. So it’s important that you see the break up as ‘just one of those things.’ Probably inevitable, better sooner than later – and definitely not your ‘fault’ in any way. I’m sorry that he blamed you for everything – that was very unkind, and a very bad reflection on the sort of person he was… But I do also understand how upsetting this has all been. All far worse because it was your first love, and I guess you had such high hopes. So your feelings are inevitable – and will probably last a while longer yet. But don’t give up! And don’t imagine that the same thing will automatically happen again. Or that all guys are bad. Or that you’re ‘insufficient’ in some way. The best thing would be to delay on dating, and instead make a lot of ‘small talk’ with lots of guys, and with very low expectations. Concentrate on spotting things about them that might spell disaster – like lying, or a flaky lifestyle. And then one day you’ll realise that you’re talking to someone really nice – and that you can safely date them!! Good luck!! Chris