Ask Chris Hart: She says I “cheat in her presence” ?!!!

Dear Chris,

Thanks so much for your answers regarding relationships. I “meet” many women, though I do not “date” them so I can get the one with the right qualities, at least one we could get along with easily.There’s this this girl I’ve known for 7 months & considered dating. However, of late I’ve had issues with her. She’s becoming “petty” & is extra jealous & sensitive to any comments I make about women. I’d pointed a lady who was clad in natural African attire, no make ups too. “She’s pretty, pure African. You’d be gorgeous in that.” I meant to tell her that I love ladies who believe in themselves & not artificial cosmetics that make some of them look WORSE instead of BETTER. Days later I had to explain why I  “cheat on her in her presence.” I was mad but remained calm.The worst bit is that she’s being too possessive. If we are to date, she says I have to “forget” some friends, even those I made before meeting her! I have an issue because I don’t see myself doing this, not for ANYONE, NOT NOW, NOT IN THE FUTURE. I have feelings for her but compromising my happiness for love is the last thing I want to do. Please advise.

 

Hi! You’re probably right not to get involved with this girl – for two reasons. Firstly, she does sound rather possessive – and is probably a bit insecure and perhaps a little controlling. All signs that a relationship with her may not work out too well. Secondly, I think you’re also not ready for a relationship right now. Relationships do need to have some exclusivity, otherwise they’re not really relationships at all, and that means a little jealousy has to be tolerated, and a few friends let go – especially for example overly close exes with unfinished business. Behaviours have to change also, for example less ‘noticing’ of members of the opposite sex, flirtatious comments, glances etc. When you’re ready for a meaningful relationship, you’ll be happy to do all this – and will expect it from your partner. So right now, you’re not ready, and it’s better you just meet girls rather than date…

Chris

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