Ask Chris Hart: I cannot leave him because I am afraid of being alone!

Hi!

I am in a relationship with this amazing guy but I tend to feel like it wont work out, yet I cannot break up with him.  I think I am scared of being alone.
What do I do?

Chris Hart says:

Hi!

The basic reason you can’t break up is that ending a relationship isn’t a decision, it’s a process. Start the process and you’ll gradually find that you are able to leave. What’s the process? Basically thinking about why you want to leave – and life after the breakup.

Spend a little time thinking through why you want to leave and get that completely clear in your mind.

Spend time thinking what you’ll have to change after the relationship has ended: maybe you’ll have to find a new place to live? Stuff to move out? Maybe you’ll need a new job? New places to hang out? Actually start making a few new friends – all by yourself – so that after the break up you have some friends who are friends with you for you and not because you’re part of a couple etc etc

Think through what you’ll have to do to actually end the relationship itself: what will you say to him? To your friends? To your family etc etc…

As you do all this gradually you’ll realise that your life after your bf is beginning to take shape in your mind – and stops feeling scary, and starts to look attractive. Then you can leave!!

Good luck with everything,

Chris

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